Post-Decult Conference Survivor Community Day

00:00 Gibson from the Unspun podcast, and I'm really happy to welcome listeners and viewers today to this special bonus podcast about the Survivor Community Day that happens after the decult conference is happening October 24th and 25th. And here I have with me

00:21 Lindy, do you want to introduce yourself?

00:23 Kiora everybody, I'm Lindy, I'm from the Olive Leaf Network. It's great to be with you all today.

00:28 Ingrid, do you want introduce yourself?

00:30 My name is Ingrid Campbell. I'm a counselor and creative art therapist based in Invercago and I am also the wellbeing and cultural advisor for Decult this year.

00:40 Nice. Hi Noah, can you give us a little bit about yourself?

00:44 Yes, I'm Noah. I am from Nelson at the moment. I am a counselor and a yoga, meditation, mindfulness teacher. And I am very honored and excited to support Ingrid both at the Decode as part of the team and at the Survivor Day the next day.

01:05 That's great.

01:06 Thank you. So the Survivor Community Day takes place on Labor Day, Monday, the twenty sixth of October, at the Multicultural Event Center in Hagley Park, Christchurch. and is a joint initiative between the Olive Leaf Network and a little bit of help from Uncult here and supported by Rewoven, Ingrid and Noah, who are

01:29 gonna be facilitating a lot of the experiences on the day if if that's something that you want to take part in. yeah, the the the decal conference is as many of you already know is about coercive control and high demand groups. and the day can be a very sort of whilst validating

01:49 it can be a very intense experience and includes a lot of trauma material, can be emotionally heavy and draining or activating for some people. and that's I think a lot of us all came up with the same idea pretty much was that we need a day of compression for for survivors and a day that they can

02:11 connect and get together. Lindy, you went to the first T cult conference. I was unfortunately overseas. Can you can you tell us a little bit about that?

02:21 Yeah, thanks Jaya. It is so exciting to have another decult and I do think it's an incredible opportunity. you know, internationally there's a conference called ICSA International Cultural Studies Association that has been going forever, but that's very far away for those of us in Australia and New Zealand and so it's you know difficult to get there. So I think decult has really filled a gap there and provides this incredible space for those of us down under to get together.

02:47 are those of us whose lives have been impacted by high control groups, whether it's us ourselves, whether we've been born and raised in a group, or whether we have been recruited at some stage in our lives as an adult, or whether it's been our our parents or our family or our friends that we've seen impacted by it, or also people in professional spaces. You know, there are loads of us in New Zealand and Australia, you know, thousands, who have been impacted in

03:12 one way or another by high control groups. And so this is an amazing opportunity for us to all

03:17 Hmm.

03:17 come together. and yeah, my gosh, like have you seen the list of speakers coming this year? Like there's just such

03:24 Yeah.

03:24 an incredible diversity of voices and you know, specialties and and experiences and survivors from all different kinds of groups will all be there presenting or in panels. So yeah, it's like

03:38 It's incredible, but it can be a little bit like drinking from a fire hydrant because there's just so much going on packed into the Saturday and Sunday. And so, yeah, I think this idea of having the Monday that that we've got of having this community day that's just a space to whoa, like sit back and you know, it's not gonna be such big numbers because we have limited it to those who have got yes, survivor or first hand experience or who are the family and friends.

04:04 of those, you know, who also have their own first hand experience in that way. So it won't be a space so much for, yeah, the professionals or interested parties or media people or anything. It will be I feel like it's gonna be yeah, it'll be reduced numbers, it'll be like kind of more intimate, but it'll just be an important p place for us to connect with each other and to connect in with ourselves and process what the weekend has held. Yeah.

04:30 Yeah, that's great.

04:31 Yeah, I mean i I mean, most most people have been to a conference of one sort of another and and we all know how draining a conference itself can be, even if it's something that you're interested in. But throw into

04:42 Hmm.

04:43 the mix traumatic stories and triggering you know, triggering bits of news and whatnot, it can be it can be quite heavy. So that you know, that's where Noah and Ingrid come in.

04:54 Yeah I'd like to ask you first, Ingrid, you know, looking at at this through a trauma informed lens, what hap what you know, what happens to the nervous system when when they're processing high volumes of trauma content

05:03 system when when they're not

05:07 like this and and why is a decompression day needed?

05:11 Great question. I just want to speak to my first experience at Decult two years ago when I was deep

05:16 Yeah.

05:16 in the thick of my own research. and I hadn't had language for my own experience or what it was that I was now deconstructing within my own life. And I found myself thrown into, as Lindy says, drinking from a fire hydrant, here was.

05:33 Here was all of this language and everything that validated me but also opened me up to the vulnerabilities of holding the paradoxical reality of my own lived experience having been named and and and given form, but also me being there as a practitioner, going, I'm here because, you know, maybe there's more for other people that I'm working with.

05:58 and being torn between those two worlds within myself and and trying to figure out what was the key reason that I was there. And I recognized that for me personally, I had to put myself first and realize that I finally had a space that named what I had been through and put aside my role as a practitioner. I chose to do quite an intensive lot of training

06:23 So I did decult and then I did the two day intensive practitioner training afterwards. And then I went to a five day intensive with Jillie Jenkinson, which was b about practitioners with lived experience. and the culmination of that for me was rigorous and uncomfortable.

06:42 and vulnerability of vokine that I realized that there has to be some way where we actually decompress from some of the intensity. And so when I heard that this was something that Olive Leaf Network wanted to look into and do, I I was just so passionate about that. And it's one of the reasons that I'm in the role that I am with

07:06 decult this year is because I really care about the well being of survivors and holding their stories with care and that requires creating safe spaces where people can step away from the intensity. I definitely needed that at times through the last decult conference and it's something that I really care about. I think when we're activated we're not able to take in the level of information that maybe would be really helpful to us.

07:32 you

07:33 And there has

07:33 Mm.

07:33 to be times where we're regulating our nervous system because otherwise it is our nervous system driving our behaviors or our shutdown. it's activating us into fight or flight or freeze and all of those things can be really debilitating to some people. And I remember at times myself just thinking, gosh, I don't know if I can stay within

07:57 my own window of tolerance, my own capacity to hold all of this as I navigated my personal and professional positioning. So it's something that I really believe in for our well being is that we need to have a space where we can breathe.

08:11 Mm.

08:11 Mm.

08:13 Yeah, that's great. Thank you, Ingrid. No Noah, you you have a lot of experience in facilitating

08:18 you

08:19 these kind of things and you worked on you worked with the Olive Leaf Network on the Regain and Restore twenty twenty five and that was you know, that was I was lucky enough to to be a part of that experience and it was for me it was transformative. you know, it r it marked a big change in in my healing journey.

08:37 Hmm.

08:38 Tell us, Noah, you know, what what this decompression day means to you and around decult.

08:44 Well, I feel that Lindy and Ingrid have really explained it very well. And the only thing I would want to add is that a lot of us understand this. know that we have the knowledge that we get triggered and how hard it is to process. We have the experience of feeling the pressure or the exhaustion or…

09:08 All the emotions that can come up when we activate it. And it's a big difference between understanding the theory and then what do I actually do with that? And for that, we do need to pause. And this day is creating the place, actually facilitating the place and the space to do that, to put this into action, to put this into practice. wanted to add to Ingrid was talking about the trauma responses or fight, flight or freeze. And I wanted to add phone.

09:34 which is often understood as play nice. And I think in this context is pretended nothing happened. So maybe we do get very triggered in the cult because a lot of things come up because we held space and listened to just too many stories of other people. But maybe we got really validated and we feel this energy and, you know, aliveness.

09:58 And all of this doesn't necessarily meet our day-to-day life. In our day-to-day life, people might not know about our background. They might not know about our story. We do need this buffer of transition from such big experience back into whatever that we're doing. So

10:13 Yeah.

10:14 the intention is for that day is to give the space and within the space to give the opportunities and different variation of things, which I believe we'll talk about next, of how to do that.

10:25 Yeah, do you g

10:26 no, do you just wanna go into that and talk about

10:28 Peace.

10:29 outline the gentle somatic movement and and and breastbook sessions that

10:32 Yeah, so for my…

10:33 you're planning?

10:34 Yeah. So I'm glad that you said that you're planning because I'm actually not planning. My intention and I guess my way to facilitate is to see what is happening around and who are the people and what is the need. But the essence of it is to offer…

10:51 different variety of movement, just very easy, very simple, very gentle. It's not any acrobatic stuff or it's

10:59 Mm-hmm.

10:59 not practicing yoga, but ways to either move the body or pay attention to the breath or change a little bit the breath that allows us to regulate. And I believe that

11:13 just by turning our awareness to our body, just becoming a little bit more.

11:18 I guess conscious of what is actually happening in the body, two important things happen. One is we become present because we are actually paying attention to what is happening now. And the second is we have the opportunity to work with that, to soothe what needs to be soothed, to maybe energize what needs to be energized. The tools that I intend to offer are for you to then be able to do the work yourself. And it is in a real…

11:44 basic basic way of doing things so anybody can I hope you can vouch for this Jaya from the last experience that there's nothing complicated

11:51 Yeah, absolute absolutely. Absolutely. It's nothing complicated. I

11:55 I found it very beneficial. because it it's it you know, the having those holding spaces in you know, those spaces in between workshop sessions. I mean the Regain and Restorers again it was very compact, there was a lot of information, there was a lot of a lot of stuff to do and just those those moments where you

12:15 helped us ground our bodies was so beneficial for me.

12:18 Mm-hmm.

12:19 I really I really found the benefit of it.

12:21 Yeah, so I feel that if the, sorry, just if the day is a pause, then these moments are paused within the day. It's again, it's a micro of that, yeah.

12:28 Yeah. Yeah.

12:28 Yeah. That's

12:31 a that's a really good way of putting it, Noah. And I

12:33 That's okay.

12:34 love that also that we're gonna be yeah at the Multicultural Recreation Centre. It's in Hagley Park, which is such a beautiful location and the room itself has got big windows that look out to the park, right? And we will also be able to go out into the park as part of one of our spaces for offering reflection and and so yeah, that that's nice.

12:56 It even feels appropriate right now looking at you with those beautiful trees in your background. It's it's making me

13:00 Mmm.

13:01 Yeah.

13:02 think about that and relax as the yeah.

13:04 Ingrid, do you wanna talk to a bit about the the creative and activity stations that

13:10 Mm.

13:10 that you're you're planning?

13:12 I'm so excited

13:12 Yeah, sure.

13:13 for these.

13:14 I just want to go back to Noah's comment about the pause

13:19 Mm-hmm.

13:19 and I think it's such a such a key part of our integration and integration is being able to take our learning and meld it into how we move beyond our learning spaces and for me integration sometimes means doing nothing.

13:39 Which is very counterintuitive to what we're used to. I think in our culture and in our society, we're always moving, we're always going to our next activity. but the power of the pause is really intentional for taking that breath, taking that moment to just be with yourself in relationship, in community, but with no intention to fix change,

14:03 process everything. It's just a moment to allow things to be. And so that I think is where the creativity aspects come from is creativity is we are all creative beings and we're all created however we view that.

14:23 And what we've found within my research around creative expression is that you're allowing people again that space to come back to presence. And I think presence is a really important word for what this day is shaped around. it's all invitational. Every activity has been crafted for you to consider. Is this something that you need for yourself? Is this something that you want to be a part of?

14:50 So our creative stations are there as an invitation, but you may just want to observe and observation is equally part of being present. so we've got a creative station for Kent Sugi, which I think is so amazing. I ran one the other day with our woman and

15:08 There's this really shocking reality that you've got to break the plate to be able to put it back together. And for some people,

15:14 Yeah.

15:14 that's a really shocking thing, and it's quite a bit of a process. but as they mend and hold the plate very lovingly, very carefully, and they put it back together, and then they paint in the gold, and they're able to look at it as a reflection of their own journey.

15:33 It's been able to take our broken pieces and put them together and reflect on the this is what I think is so beautiful about creativity is it invites us to reflect on our own internal experience without necessarily having to speak what our experience is. and I love that in the in terms of when we've been in such high intensity spaces that have been activating, we want art.

15:59 Or creativity to be the vehicle of transformational change without ever necessarily having to speak what your story is. Because sometimes the bravest thing that people can do is show up in the room. Sometiming

16:13 Hm. Yeah.

16:14 out of your house can be the scariest part before you can even name what your story is. So these spaces are there to just invite you into that reflective space.

16:27 in which you might see aspects of yourself. We have things like haiku therapy, which is an invitation to sit and write a small haiku. Everything will have instructions. It's going to be really simple and easy to for people to engage. We've got a number of different stations. There's clay work, working with Tonguro, which is a beautiful instrument made of clay that you can blow into.

16:55 And again, it's coming back to the breath and our connection with the earth. So we use a lot of indigenous ways of thinking and engaging with in the arts. There is the reflective walk. So you might just want to be in nature and get out in Hagley Park and go for a walk and then come back and connect in with community. There's going to be creative writing spaces and there's going to be quiet zones.

17:20 You might just want to be in community, be in safe space, but not engage in any of the activities. And everything about that is totally acceptable, which I love. I love what it is that we've kind of crafted together as a team, all from our different walks of life, our different working environments and spaces, and we've come together to create such a day that I think, you know, if if that had been available to me two years ago.

17:47 I think that would have held me really nicely in an integrated space of

17:50 Yeah.

17:51 learning.

17:51 That's great. Thank you, Ingrid. that that's that's really well put. yeah, i I like I like the word invitation, you know. it it's it's up it's up to the individual whether they want to take part or not. And they can just come and hang out, you know, if they want and randomly talk to

18:07 Yeah.

18:07 people. on the day there will be a catered lunch, and you know, there's there's gonna be heaps of relaxed community connection time.

18:15 for me I'd I I really want to emphasize the community aspect of it because, you know, one of the one of the things as you know is is you know, coming out of a cult is that you you feel alone, you feel like you're the only one, you don't know anyone else that's you know, you might not want to know anyone else that's come out of your cult, your high gr high demand group.

18:36 you might not know others, but when you come together, you you know, you see all of these other people who have shared similar experiences. and it's it's I think it's an opportunity to create create a community of of survivors and support each other. so I'm I'm looking forward to seeing what kind of connections are made on the day. you know more more in a

18:59 social sense rather than a professional sense.

19:02 I just wanted to

19:02 Yeah.

19:03 to ask you know what kind of safety nets are in place on the day, you know, including presence of you and there will be some

19:13 uncult support volunteers available if anyone needs a break or feels overwhelmed, there will be people there that that can that you can talk to. Yeah. Can we talk a little bit about

19:23 Yeah.

19:24 that?

19:24 When actually, when you were speaking, Jaya, what came to me was around that, around that safety and the sense of community in a way that we intend to create a space that there is an understanding and acceptance of we are not going to trauma dump. It's not a place of competition or had had the

19:44 Place of competition at high.

19:46 We intend to create a container where there is an understanding that we don't trauma dump, we don't compete among ourselves. If I share something, it's okay to just be heard. I know it's safe to just be heard. And I will have the commitment of the other participants to not try to fix me, to not try to explain to me and to not then put on me their…

20:10 their story and Ingrid and I have spoken about making that a part of the co-papa of safety beyond of course confidentiality. So it is that sense of community that one can be.

20:25 that one can still have their own space among others. And I think, yeah, that is the intention, at least from the way I see it.

20:35 And Lindy, can you help clarify us who who this is for

20:39 Yeah, sure. Yeah. So it is for people who have got some lived experience, who have been at decult. and and when I say lived experience, it could be that it's, you know, primarily been your experience as in you were born and raised in a group and have left, or you have been recruited at some point in your life into a group that was yeah, high control and and had a had an had a negative impact on you. But

21:05 I I very much want to affirm that like family members or s or friends or close like supporters or loved ones, if someone in your life has been really impacted and it's really impacted you by turn or your family, you are so welcome too, because I think that's really important. yeah, speaking with someone the other day who's actually supports people coming out of drug and alcohol addiction and we were talking about

21:31 how there's similarities sometimes with things like that. Like obviously a lot of focuses on the person with the addiction and their recovery, but just also the fact that often family members, or whether it's flatmates or friends, or whoever the close people are around that person who's primarily impacted, there's those impacts go around and these ripple circles onto the onto the family or the or the loved ones, or the, you know, the partners or whatever it might be. You know, it has a huge impact on the people around you. And

22:00 that that can totally often carry its own trauma or vicarious trauma as well. And so I definitely want to affirm that, you know, if that's you, then you will you are welcome to to this day. And you will also very much find yeah a safe place and a and a place to connect with others as little or much as you like, as Noah said, but this space to engage with these creative processes and to yeah, decompress and and pause as well. So yeah, does that does that make sense?

22:28 Yeah,

22:28 yeah. And I I I

22:29 Mm.

22:29 think it's also we should say that, you know, not everyone can afford to attend D cult and if

22:35 Mm.

22:35 you are local to Christchurch, or even if you want to travel to Christchurch for the day, if you are a survivor, please get in touch and and we'll see

22:44 Mm.

22:44 if we can accommodate you. We can't accommodate everyone, but you know if you if you feel like you need to come with a support person

22:53 You know, talk to us. Yeah, that should be fine.

22:54 Mm. Yeah.

22:56 we know that not everyone wants to venture out alone. and this is about you know, this isn't for decult mem decult attendees only. It it it's just a sort of useful mechanism to have it now. We do want to include others. So,

23:11 Mm.

23:12 yeah, just just get in touch with with you, Lindy, is that all right? Good you you're handling the lit registrations.

23:16 Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's

23:19 yeah, you can look at the humanitics listing if you yeah, want a recap of this stuff or to email my emails on the humanitics listing or of course you can get in touch with Jai as well through Unspult, Unspun or UNCULT. And

23:31 Mm.

23:31 yeah, I know you've got, you know, lots of connections there in Christchurch 'cause obviously this is in Christchurch, which is where UnCult is. I know you've got lots of connections with former members in the like Christchurch or wider Christchurch region as well. So yeah.

23:44 The the invitation is yeah, get in touch and we'll definitely do what we can. I think the registration is really important just from a catering perspective. We're really looking forward to treating you all to a delicious lunch. but catering companies do need to know, like, you know, ideally two weeks out or whatever so they can order their ingredients. So do pop a registration in if you think you yeah would like to come to help us to plan that and the activities as well for Ingrid because we'll be bringing

24:11 Yeah, I'm I'm excited about all those things, the clay and the kintsugi, all that kind of thing. but to help us with our planning, really appreciate those regios getting in so we know the kind of numbers that we're working with.

24:23 Yeah, the the link to the registration will be in the in in the show notes. you can search for us on Humanitix. Also look out for us on the decult newsletter. We'll be I think will be in the next one. Hopefully this this podcast will be sent out on other other podcasts. We're gonna try and chill that out.

24:43 Mm-hmm.

24:44 yeah, so

24:46 Before we wrap up, I think we've covered most stuff. Is is there anything anything that you guys want to say that that we haven't said already?

24:54 thanks, Jaya. Yeah, I think I do want to affirm just how bizarre it is, in a wonderful way to how bizarre it was in a wonderful way at decult. I've never experienced something like this where like many of us spend most of our lives like hiding the fact that we were in a cult, or we're like a little bit to varying degrees, like a bit embarrassed about it, or like or it's just, you know, it's just

25:18 Awkward. You don't lead with it. And when you're you're like meeting people or friendship circles or whatever, like I guess any any experience that's been a bit traumatic or hard or a lot traumatic and hard, you know, you don't wear it on your sleeve usually. you know, you you carry it deep inside because it is it's it's sensitive and and you also don't know how others might yeah judge it or it or you're just like, you know, I'm talking about normal settings, you know, like if I, you know,

25:46 I don't know, attend some social event or get invited to a party or something or with the other parents at school pick up or whatever, you know. You just don't say this thing of you don't you don't lead with this thing of like I'm in this I was in this high control group and it really screwed up my life, you know, it it it

26:02 And you you you do that to kind of protect yourself, but by the same token it can make you feel like you're carrying this isolated, this isolating, lonely place inside of you where others just don't know this thing that, you know, actually has left you with really deep scars and marks that you carry around with you in your daily life. And so I'm sorry, that was a very wordy way to say how bizarre it was at D. Cull because for the first time in my life.

26:30 And others shared this as well. You know, you'd like rock up to a group of people or find yourself sharing lunch at with a group of people and like instead of it being this weird thing, instead it was one of the first things you led with, you'd be like, So, you know, what are you doing here? Or what brought you here? And then people would like launch straight away into like, Wow, you know, I left the two by twos or wow, I was I was part of

26:53 you know, International School of Temple Arts, the the sex kind of

26:57 Mm-hmm.

26:58 this the sex culty kind of group or whatever it was, people would just like swing straight out with this thing of like, Yeah, or or it could have been, you know, there were also conversations for that I had of people were like, Well, I'm a I'm a school teacher and I've got I just keep having these families who are

27:16 involved with X, Y, Z and I'm and I see the impact on the kids. And anyway, it was just weird because it was like instead of it being this hidden thing that you never brought up because it's awkward and you don't know how to, it was just like, bang, here it is on the table. No judgment. This is my experience. This is why I'm here. This is the group that has impacted me professionally or personally. And so straight away, you know, you could be like, yeah, well I I grew up here or I had this impact. And

27:43 So it was just so wonderful because it was like no judgment, no secret, no taboo, no isolating loneliness of this weird piece of your history. It was just there, could be talked about, and there's often also some immediate overlap as well of just this shared mutual understanding. everyone's story has its unique aspects, and I think it's we have to be really careful not to assume we know what others' story was, even if

28:09 both were high control Christian groups, for example, there's still often differences. So we do have to be careful not to assume. But also, wow, the overlap is unreal. The overlap was absolutely unreal right across the spectrum of groups, right? you know, whatever

28:24 Mm. Yeah.

28:25 the religious or non-religious beliefs around them, it's all those, wow, those dynamics of group coercive control are there. And yeah, so that was like

28:36 really powerful and really bizarre and I'm excited for that again this decult but I think particularly for this Monday, because all of us there will have that first hand lived experience in one way or another. I think there's just gonna be that beautiful solidarity there of

28:53 Yeah.

28:54 yeah, we're not alone. Look at all these people, you know. It'll be beautiful. Yeah.

28:59 That's great, Lindy. Thank you for sharing that. Any last thoughts from you, Noah?

29:03 No, actually I was going to ask Ingrid because I feel when I was trying to describe the idea of safety and support I tripped over my words. So I was wondering if you wanted to add something.

29:17 Ang and great?

29:17 No, I thought you did a great

29:18 job. thank you so much. I do I do think it's important to add that there may be people who may not have left their communities as of yet. They may be questioning, they may not have potentially recognized that that's what they're in, but they're questioning. And this might be a great opportunity to be an environment where we can hold

29:41 those spaces safely. And I I I think when we talk about safety, it it's it's having a safe container where you can show up and be your most authentic self. and sometimes that means being in a room full of people who have similar experiences. But I want to acknowledge that for some people

30:01 They're still connected within faith, especially I want to say faith communities, where they're torn between worlds. And I think that's something to be really mindful of. That we're not here to to define which Christian groups are cults and which ones aren't. We're not here to I think that's a really important safety aspect of all of this is that you can still have your

30:26 Held beliefs, or you may still be in a process of deconstruction, and there's no right or wrong within all of this. We're all on a journey of exploration and figuring it out. And I think safety means respecting each other's personhood and our differences and the diversities that bring us together. So, yes, we may have some similarities, but we may also have big differences that I think need to be held with care and respect.

30:53 And and the way that I think Noah and I talked about wanting to facilitate this space was to acknowledge that, yeah, within this space we we want to create openness, but it's not a space where we're just gonna pour out our hearts and you know, sing cum baya because it's not that simple. I

31:09 Yeah, yeah.

31:10 think it's really important that the pause is is an acknowledgement that paradoxical differences

31:17 or the both and, you know, there can be huge complexities and huge similarities all in one space and we want to hold that with care and consideration of our differences, that it's not our differences that that stop us from being in community together.

31:34 Mm.

31:35 Fantastic. Really well said.

31:37 Yeah. And I wanted to add one more thing that again, it's like if that, if the day is a pause and some of the offerings that we provide are pauses within that, the idea, the way I see it is a day to self-regulate within core regulating. So just being in a group doesn't

31:57 Mm.

31:58 mean that we have to have intensive one-on-ones. I can do my own thing and I regulate

32:01 Yeah.

32:03 my nervous system internally.

32:05 But just being next to you is supporting me in my regulation. So it's

32:08 Mm.

32:09 like a one in the other.

32:10 One hundred percent.

32:11 Yeah.

32:12 Yeah.

32:12 That's

32:12 And

32:12 really beautiful way of putting that of self regulating within co regulating. Yeah. And I do think that's important. Yeah, that's so

32:14 that's a that's yeah, it's really well put. I mean it

32:19 important because we do all have to go back to our own worlds, go back to our own workplaces, our own spaces and responsibilities. And so yeah, feeling r ready and strong enough to go back, most of us as individuals, back across the back across New Zealand, Australia, wherever we've come from, around the world, but it

32:38 But yeah, to do it knowing that in the big picture we're not alone. Yeah.

32:42 Yes.

32:42 And I think that

32:42 Yeah, I think

32:43 follows up with the thought that each person is a hero in their own story. We're not here to fix or save anyone from their experience. We're here to facilitate a space in which individuals can feel empowered to step back into their realities, whatever that looks like,

33:01 Mm.

33:01 with maybe some new learning, some new skills, some ways of recognising that.

33:07 self-regulation and co-regulation can happen in in the safety of community, but it can also happen in the solidarity of yourself. That it's so important that yes, you can be in community on this day, but you can also have your own personal experience that's unique to you. And that's not prescriptive. We're not here to tell you how to do it. We're here to hold a space in which you can explore what things might be helpful to you.

33:35 and

33:35 Mm-hmm.

33:36 what takeaways could be beneficial for you as you go back into your real life and your normal day activities.

33:44 Yeah, yeah. That's great. in a in uncult in the support group, which is a slightly different environment. but we do we do have sort of core values of mutual respect, no crosstalk, no pressure, and avoid sort of competitive war storytelling, you know.

34:02 Mm-hmm.

34:04 and and I think actually

34:07 in this environment there's more opportunity to to talk about those things but I think it's remember to remember to respect the the other person's space. They they may not feel comfortable talking about their story yet. So I think

34:23 Mm.

34:23 it's it's always important to you know not you know everyone wants to hold mutual respect but also remember consent.

34:32 you know

34:32 Mm.

34:33 that that someone might not want your advice, they might not want to tell their story, you know, and so

34:39 Yeah.

34:39 it's it's important to, you know, just hold that in mind, you know, when when we're approaching people,

34:44 Mm. Mm.

34:47 everyone's gonna have different levels of engagement.

34:49 Mm.

34:51 and I think, you know, every but I th I you know all of this will be reminded on the day and

34:56 Yeah.

34:57 you know, we'll be coaching and watching

34:59 Mm.

34:59 out for every everyone's well being. But

35:02 Mm.

35:02 yeah, that's that's really great. I think we've covered everything. Is there anything that we've left out anyone wants to bring up before we wrap up this session?

35:13 I'd just love to say that it has been so beautiful to work with you all, even in our different spaces. the core values that remain in the integrity of what it is that we're doing, it's such an honouring thing to feel like our contribution that we can bring, the things that are important to us.

35:33 get held with the same care and respect. And I've just really loved that. And I think that when we can do that for each other, we have the ability to then share that out to our wider community. And I think, you

35:45 Mm-hmm.

35:46 know, I'd like to finish with we are better together. And when we've come from high control environments where we haven't experienced safety in community, recreating an environment where safety can be experienced in a new way.

36:01 is one of the greatest gifts I think we can give back to each other.

36:05 Mm-hmm.

36:05 yeah. So thank

36:07 That's great.

36:07 you for gifting that to me too.

36:09 Thank you. Thanks everyone for coming.

36:12 Yeah.

36:12 this is great. You got something, Lindy?

36:15 Yeah, I do. And sorry if I interrupted there. I was just gonna

36:17 No, go go for it, go for it.

36:18 go off what what Ingrid said. over the last year or two I've been listening to a few more podcasts with Judith Herman and and reading her work and I really want to recommend her to our listeners if you haven't engaged with her work. you know, if you're not a reader, just like search her under a podcast and listen to her. But she's like an expert in trauma recovery. And what I find really fascinating about

36:41 her is that she's got a big emphasis on the fact that after experiencing psychological or physical trauma, but particularly psychological trauma that and and interpersonal and in relationships that but that a key part of a very, very crucial part of healing and and re-establishing psychological safety within yourself is through establishing and experiencing safe and supportive relationships and

37:06 Yeah, I just think that's so important. And I think spaces like this day, even though it's a one off, one day thing, and some of us, you know, may go back to our lives and not cross paths with each other again for months or years or ever, but even just this experience when we've come from this place of of experiencing trauma and psychological damage in groups, you know, the temptation can be, my God, I'm never gonna join another group again, I'm never gonna

37:32 trust anybody ever again. I'm never gonna even risk that. But yeah, her work really and her research just shows time and time again that the opposite is true. You know, that that safety and healing is not found in further isolating ourselves or cutting ourselves off from community and connection with others. Instead it is found through experiencing genuine, safe, trusted, trustworthy

37:56 authentic spaces and each time we do that it's like we we bring in layers of healing onto that part of us that that didn't experience that. So yeah, recommend her work to anybody because not only will it encourage you about the power and importance of a day like this, but it will give you more courage and strength to, as you go, you know, continue on your own recovery journeys to keep seeking out and taking those steps towards experiencing

38:22 positive community and connection with others wherever you are.

38:25 That's great. Thank you for that recommendation. What was the name again? Just one more time. Judith Herman. Right. Okay. That's great.

38:28 Judith Judith Herman. Judith Herman, yeah. She's I I

38:33 think she's, you know, getting on now. She's been doing it for a few decades, but she's just highly experienced and a couple of key books, especially trauma and recovery is is her main one and then she's got another one after that. I think the name's just flown out of my head. But yeah, you guys you guys can our listeners can Google it. Yeah.

38:50 All right. Well I'll just thank everyone now for coming for turning up and er everyone's input and for the time and ign and acknowledging all of our retrospective groups with with who are helping out. This is really great. I'm very excited for the day and can't work we can't wait to be working with you all. That's great.

39:09 Yeah. Thank you, Jaya. think it's really helpful that you have created this space for us to explain what is the intention and the layout of the day, because I don't know how, what lands for people when they hear Survivors Day. So maybe that was really helpful. Thank you.

39:23 Yeah, exactly. Okay,

39:26 great. Thank you, Noah. All right.

39:28 Really looking forward

39:29 to seeing you all on on the Monday.

39:31 Me too.

39:32 It's not long to go now. yeah, it'll be really special.

39:33 No, not long to go.

39:36 Great. Cheers everyone.

39:37 Take care.

39:38 Kakita. See ya.

39:38 Ka kite!